Kapag nasanay ka pala maging independent, like solving and dealing with your own problems, parang ang hirap-hirap na humingi ng tulong sa iba, or tumanggap ng tulong, parang sobrang nakakaguilty at feeling mo sobrang nakakaabala ka sa tao.
Ako lang ba?
At dahil nga hindi na naman ako makatulog, hellllooooo wordpeeps!
Naitulog ko na naman kasi buong araw.
Sinisipag ako magtayp today!
Nagbabadya ang WW3, pero ghad wag naman sana, katakot-takot pag nagkataon. Nakataya na naman ang milyon-milyong inosenteng buhay,
tas imagineeeeeee, hindi pa tapos ang pandemic!
2021-2022 ibaa kaaa! 😭Tama na, please.
Sobrang guloooo, kahit saan nalang, with the coming presidential elections and all, sama mo pa ‘yung di matapos tapos na problema sa sports scene sa bansa, women’s volleyball, sa Gilas, EJ Obeina and isama na din natin ‘yung utak kong sobrang gulo na naman.
I am wondering tuloy din kung nakakatulog pa kaya s’ya sa kaiisip ko sa kanyaaaa, charr, HAHAHAHAHA. Putek lang talaga kasii, sobrang hindi na naman nya ako pinapatulog these days. Grabeeeee po! 😥 I’m back to zero again. Hindi pa rin nawawala, hindi pa rin nagbabago. Akala ko okay na. It’s been sooooo—brang tagal na. Well, sana nakakatulog ka ng maayos at sana masaya ka . I miss you, sobra.
At ito pang isang hanash, Hindi ko lang talaga din gets bakit may mga friendships as well as families na nagkakasira at nagkakagulo because of different political beliefs.
Well, sabagay choice rin naman nga nila ‘yun kung kaya talaga nilang isacrifice ‘yung mga personal relationships nila. Peroo ako talaga, hindi ko kaya, I will always choose my family and my friends. Ghadd, imagine, after election, nandyan pa rin naman ‘yung problema ng bansa. At yun nga, after the election, kayong pamilya pa rin naman ang magtutulungan, diretso ang buhay, kakayod para sa pamilya. And to be honest lang, lumampas na ata ako sa phase na sobrang hopeful para sa pagbabago at ikauunlad ng bansa. Ganun ata talaga ‘yun as you age. Unti-unti ka ng namumulat sa realidad at di matapos tapos na hanash sa buhay. Kaya nga gusto kung sabihin din na magandang magsimula ka ng mag invest ngayon palang, lalo sa health insurance! Hahaha, maisingit lang! Pero seryoso, hindi biro ang magkasakit at maospital! Mahirap kumita ng pera at mahirap manghiram at mahirap din magpahiram, lalo na sa taas din ng mga bilihin sa ngayon.
Anyway mabalik tayo sa politics, for me lang din, lahat naman sila may credentials, nasa mga tao nalang talaga kung sino ang mas paniniwalaan at pakikinggan nila, kung kanino sila nakakasilip ng kahit konting pag-asa, na baka nga naman may magbago.
I like the idea that everyone is getting involved, but what I don’t like are the unhealthy arguments, banters and harassment here and there just because someone’s expressing his thoughts and belief, sticking for what they believe in.
But really? Why do you have to hate someone so much just because his views are different from yours. You can share your beliefs,your knowledge, you can share your opinion but you dont have the right to invalidate those of others too. If you can’t do anything about it, I mean changing their minds, then better respect them nalang. We all want the same thing naman for our country, its just that iba iba lang talaga tayo ng pananaw. We cant just force our ideas and beliefs on other people, of course we can try to persuade or influence them all we want but we cannot dictate them or force them to change their mind and accept yours.
Atleast try also to put yourself in their shoes. Do you also wanted them na pakialaman ‘yung decision mo? Are you even willing to hear their perspective too and not crossing the lines and respecting them despite your differences? Kasi baka nga naman may pinanggagalingan din sila. And besides, may karapatan tayong lahat na pumili/mamili kung sino ‘yung napupusuan natin.
As for me nga, it will always be my families and friends over different opinions on religion and of course political beliefs. Sa totoo lang halos same naman lang din ito sa pagpili ng bibilhin mong damit or shoes sa fav. Store mo, or pagpili sa kakainin mo for breakfast or lunch, or pagpili sa gusto mong kadate this valentines, or sa pagpili ng friends mo din, or pagpili ng course for college, sa pagpili ng boyfriend or sa pagpili ng partner mo in life, IN A WAY na ,Its your CHOICE, it will always be your decision, right mo ‘yun as a person and you can’t just let others decide for yourself, you can’t let others dictate you.
Of course, you can hear their views and opinions , its up to you nalang din kung pakikinggan mo sila, or you decide to see/study it for yourself, or or maybe you’ll stick for what you believed in, or maybe you’ll atleast try to see things in their perspective, but it the end naman, ‘yung choice mo pa rin ‘yung magmamatter. Hindi ka naman pwedeng sumunod sa agos, hindi pwedeng gusto nya,ih dapat gusto mo na din. Life does not work like that anyway.
As for you, educate yourself, then decide. Man up and live with your convictions. We are all different from each other, and it’s alright 🙂 We are all human after all!
I want my president to win of course and I’ll pray for that peroo kung hindi talaga, then fine, I will still be a law abiding citizen naman na magbabayad ng buwis (as if I have a choice, hahaha) but really, I’ll support naman whoever wins and ganun naman talaga dapat if we really care for our country. Pero ito, kung registered voter ka na katulad ko, please, bomoto ka this May, your vote matters!
My favorite color is yellow, by the way, but I don’t represent any political color! I like Leni, I like BBM, I like Pacquiao, but I like Lacson and Isko more. ✌ and 💛.
It feels like it was just yesterday when I cried a lot on last year New Year’s Eve. It was as if I was too close to be in that situation again from 5 years ago. I don’t want to go into details but it wasn’t good.
And yes, I am being emotional right now. I can’t help it. I know that It was a challenging year for everyone. But hey, we made it! 2020 survivors!
Despite of our current situation, this pandemic and everything that have happened , I can say that it wasn’t all that bad, I can say I am still blessed. This year wasn’t something I imagined or hoped for but I really am at peace right now. God made it happen and sometimes I even feel like I don’t deserved any of these. I’m very grateful for all the people around me that God has chosen as His intruments–Family and friends who really became my constants, inspiration and motivation.
I met a lot of people this year, made friends with most of them and made lots of memories already. It was overwhelming at some point but I learned to enjoy and appreciate every little things and of course the people who’s been with me. I’m still learning and I still sleep a lot, haha still my kind of “me time”.
I made a lot of mistakes, bad decisions in the past and hurted people along the way. The good thing is that I learned from them, already accepted the fact that I can no longer do anything to change them and all thats left for me is to completely forgive myself for those mistakes.
Like any other new year, like other people, I have a lot of resolutions too. I guess, I’ll just have to keep them for myself nalang. Most of them were from last year and even few years back pa kasi.
I’ve got my first job this year and I’m grateful for the people I’m working with as they are very supportive and helpful. I appreciate all the guidance, the grand and even the small gestures everyday. They’ve been so welcoming. Honestly, I don’t know if this is the career I want to pursue for the long term, but I am learning everyday and I want to enjoy every second of it,including the pressure that I can’t help for myself. I still have a lot to improve on and I know that I really have to work on them double time.
There were a lot of times that I longed for my friends’ company since I was used to seeing them almost everyday (college days and review days) –just a text/chat away for a hang out. It was really different this year. I get it that we already have different paths, pero sobrang nakakamiss lang talaga! Iba pa rin kasi talaga ‘yung personal interactions. I miss all my friends (all circles–Elem., HS, College, everyone).
Lovelife?? Curious ka na naman?!Syempre wala tayo nyan this year. Nakakatakot magmahal girl! Sabagay, dalawa lang ‘yan if ever na hindi magwork (kahit pa you both love each other) either ikaw ‘yung masasaktan or ikaw ‘yung makakapanakit (pero kahit ano jan, sobrang masakit) Hindi pa ako ready magtake ng risk para sa kahit ano jan lalo sa pangalawa. Hell yeah, andami ko pa kasing what ifs sa ganyang usapin, so siguro I’ll pass hahaha. Tropa nalang muna tayo!
One thing I noticed with myself lang na sobrang hindi ko gusto this year aside sa pagiging overthinker and sobrang tahimik (and other personality and personal issues) is that feeling ko nagiging chismosa na ako. Shutaaa, I really have to shut my mouth na when it comes to kwento kwento that I know nothing about or none of my concern whatsoever. Girl, sobrang Bad! Tsss.
Okay, I have to end it here kasi baka kung saan na naman umabot ‘to.
2020!
It wasn’t all good, it wasn’t all bad.
Still, Thank you.
Sayonaraaa!
Deep Sighs,
Series of breakdown,
Sleepless nights,
Palpitation,
Anxiety,
Loss of Appetite,
Self-pity,
Easily annoyed,
Doubts,
Spacing out,
I’m not okay, I guess.
My friends are asking me kung kamusta daw ako,
Sa totoo lang, I’ve been wanting to tell them na hindi ako okay, na super nasi-stress na naman ako, na parang bumabalik na naman ako sa dati kong pinagdaanan 4 years ago, but then I always end up telling them na “okay lang naman, buhay pa.”
Same old me!
Kasi naman I always feel na super babaw naman ng mga issues ko compare dun sa ibang kaibigan ko na di hamak na mas mabigat yung pinagdadaanan. Siguro din, nasanay ako na tinatry lagi na ifigure out ko nang mag isa ‘yung mga problema at mga issues ko. Naiisip ko din kasi na in the end, sarili ko lang din naman talaga makakatulong sa akin.
Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, pinipilit ko nalang talaga maniwala na “it’s all in the mind”.
Paulit-ulit 🙂
Nakakapagod 🙂
Minsan iniisip ko na niloloko ko lang ‘yung sarili ko. 🙂
Pero madalas din na pumapasok sa isip ko na “consistency is the key” sa lahat-lahat , lalo sa prayers at pati sa patience.
Paulit-ulit, Ou. 🙂
Pero paulit-ulit din na kakayanin. 🙏🏻
-🐝
Dahil job hunting pa rin ang peg ko, patambay muna here wordpress!
Hahahaha
Anyway, hindi naman din mahirap sana maghanap mg trabaho, kasi sa totoo lang sobrang daming trabaho,
the thing is,
nakakapanghinayang lang talaga kung hindi mo magagamit yung inaral mo ‘nung college na pinaghirapan mo kahit papaano.
Hindi pa naman din ako nafu-frustrate, at hindi pa ako nagbe-breakdown ulit after New Year,
at ayoko muna din kasi medyo madami-madaming luha din yun, at ilang gabi din yun,
I won’t go into details pero hindi talaga kasi Happy ‘yung new year ko, family and other stuffs na parang nagkaroon ng Domino effect.
Gusto ko na din magka-work, medyo naiinggit na din ako sa mga friends kong nagwowork na at nahihiya na rin naman ako humingi ng allowance pa sa parents ko, gusto ko na din mag abot ng kahit papaano sa kanila.
Pero sadyang medyo mailap pa, halos lahat ng job opening for engineering dito sa province naghahanap ng experience,
putek lang, kaya nga naghahanap ng work para magkaexperience. 🤔😤 hayys.
Tuloy, bumabalik na naman ako sa thoughts na bakit ito yung pinasok ko?,
hahaha don’t get me wrong, masaya naman ako, kaya lang di ko maiwasan these past few days, na mapaisip na naman.
Ang totoo, gusto ko din dito sa province sana, para malapit lang, pero kung di ako mabibigyan ng chance here, baka mapilitin ako lumabas talaga, around metro siguro para madaming opportunities, pero ramdam kong ayaw pa din ng parents ko, pero tingnan natin. 😂
Gusto ko na magkawork, yes.
Pero sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa din alam kung ano talaga ‘yung gusto kong gawin.
I’m still lost, at siguro nga tulad ng ibang nasa early 20’s, hindi ko pa din nare-realize ‘yung purpose ko kaya ganun.
Hahaha kaya pati tuloy itong tina-type ko, hindi ko alam kung saan papunta na.
Pero realtalk, eto yung totoong laman ng utak ko.
At nakakapagod din pala ‘yung walang ginagawa, feeling ko mas nasi-stress ako at ayokong masanay sa ganito, at the same time ayoko rin madaliin yung mga bagay-bagay,
I know from experience na wala talagang magandang kalalabasan ‘yun.
Siguro, sobra-sobrang patience pa, at faith kay Lord,
at siguro ito din ‘yung time to focus on myself,
para kahit papano marealize ko na ‘yung mga goals ko this year na dapat ginawa ko before new year pa, long overdue na.
Road to complete healing na din 😂
bawas na din ng 300+ kong notes sa phone , bura-bura ng mga bagay na dapat matagal ng binuraaa.
(charrrrr).
Ayun siguro more on “being you” pa 😂😂😂
I became A fan of iKON just recently, (latter part of February 2019)
They were actually the first Kpop group that piqued my interest and they literally changed my perspective about Kpop, 360 degrees!!!
It’s not that I hated Kpop before, its just that maybe I was not really interested and I prefer other music culture, more of local and western type of music that I grew up listening into.
I don’t know, I just cannot appreciate them before even though I am surrounded by my high school friends who are into Kpop and legit kpop fangirls.
It all started when I’ve got to watch their music video for Love Scenario through youtube, I don’t really remember How i came across with that song, but hearing that for first time, oh man, LSS.
The tune was very catchy and It stucked in my head like crazy, I don’t even know the lyrics but I was humming that song the entire day.
I was not an instant fan, I admit. I just like that particular song.
And fast forward, out of the blue, I heard Love Scenario again while watching a kdrama, and I was like,
“narinig ko na ‘to,omg”
And that when it all started I guess, because after that I consulted google for their names. So, it was a group named IKON.
There, I’ve met the men of my dreams hahahaah!
And then, I watched their other music videos before I decided to know them individually.
I actually failed on my first time trying to remember their names, but I was really amazed that I was able to distinguish them from one another.
Back in High school, One of my friend tried to introduced me to a certain group and yes, I failed to remember their names even their faces, I felt like they all just look the same.
Owell, Just like I said,iKON opened my eyes to Kpop world, because of them and a close friend of mine who is also a fan of YG artists, I learned to appreciate other groups as well, especially Bigbang.
Before, whenever I hear Bigbang, aside from the Bigbang theory of course, what comes to my mind was their hit song “Fantastic Baby” and of course, Sandara, the other half of Daragon. 😂 and that’s it.
This time, I know why they are considered as one of the pillar of growth of kpop industry worldwide, and why Ikon look up to them so much, specially Hanbin and Bobby.
iKON also introduces me to Red Velvet and Twice 😂,
I also started to appreciate PSY, other groups/musicians from yg ent. such as AKMU and Lee hi And other companies as well.
I enjoyed watching their videos, specially the old videos in yt, iKON TV, tv guestings, Yunyeong and Chanu’s yt channel and of course their vlives. My day is not also complete without listening to their songs, or making their pictures as my wallpaper. They actually helped me distressing during thesis days and of course, during review days.
Yes, they really inspired me a lot.
I admire them for being very family oriented and very passionate with their craft. You will be drawn to them as you watch them.
Bobby’s rapping skill is really on another level, and he may appears like he doesn’t care but He cares a lot.
Jinhwan, I believe also that he is the sexiest, his appeal, his height, his fashion style, his vocal range and he did study here in the Philippines.
June’s masculinity really stands out and he was actually the first one I noticed and also his voice and his jaw.
Yunyeong for me is the most handsome, he could really be a prince charming, an old soul also.
DK is really the dancing machine of this group, no doubt, and he love kids.
Chanu, of course the maknae but always been the one who talks sensibly.
Hanbin, I admire him the most, he was so selfless, a great leader, a good brother, and he was really talented, a very passionate person and the list goes on. Imagine all the songs that he had written, some of which has not been released, songs that were written for other artists as well. He really became a bread and butter for yg ent. when Bigbang lay-lowed. He never had a girlfriend but the songs he wrote about love were just always on point, and they are so good that you would not believe he is inexperience in romantic relationship.
Their live performances/stage are always lit, stage presence, live vocals+adlibs, interaction with fans, so much fun and so much energy, and the fan chants.
And lastly, Another thing that I love about iKON is the fandom, they were really friendly and accommodating. I admire and appreciate their efforts as fangirls, Kudos to them, I have so much respect!
I know now what it feels like to be one, and I am proud to say that I am a fan.
Before the issue broke out, I am already planning of watching their concert and I’m willing to save and spend.
It’s really sad, my heart really aches for them, specially for Hanbin, he doesn’t deserve it. They’ve gone through a lot already and It really hurts seeing them like this.
Last time I checked, aside from their comback and concert, I am just really looking forward for their lovelife. And now, this!?
What a crisis indeed, but I still and will always believe that they’ll survive this, and that everything will be back to normal soon, Hanbin will return, they will be complete once again and will be as strong as ever. I really believe that Hanbin will be back for them.
I can’t help but cry sometimes, whenever I watched their old videos together, just having fun.
2019 was supposed to be amazing, they were even welcomed with music awards.
I believe that there was a sabotage, old issues resurfaced through media again, then issues piled up for yg artists again and the company and everything escalades quickly from there. Hanbin’s name was dragged into the issue once again, just right after the release of his new collab song with Lee hi and that time it was really peaking and becoming really popular.
Korean paparazzi really knows how to ruined someone’s life in just a blink of an eye, ruthless. Like they will turn you into a real-life villain and will left you against the scrutiny of public eye, like you will be accused already before the trial even started. you cannot afford to make mistakes, and if you made one, you’re done for the rest of your life.
But whatever happens, Ikon is Ikon, and they ain’t Ikon for nothing!
I will be waiting for Hanbin to come back!
As in, ALWAYS, everytime, every new acquaintances nalang.
I cannot blame them naman, since my name is really unusual, and super weird din kasi bigkasin at pakinggan.
It’s either Pia or Bea, sa unang attempt nila to clarify and to remember the name.
Sanay naman na ako, at natuto na ako, that everytime na may bagong kakilala, inuunahan ko na agad na its “Bia” (Bi-ya), with “i” not “e” ,
as in Letter B or yung bubuyog, “bee“, that’s how you pronounced it,
and after that they would ask me why,
And for how many times I’m telling this story also,
na when my Lola registered my name, it was originally and supposed to be Bea din talaga, “Bea Danessa”
Nagkamali lang yung registrar, or should I say hindi lang naintindihan ng registrar yung sulat ng lola ko sa papel when she registered me, like it was written in cursive kasi with Bea, pero nawalan kasi ng mata yung “e”, so it looked like an “i” na wala lang tuldok.
Hindi ko din ba alam sa registrar kung bakit hindi nya man lang pinakita sa lola ko ulit, or tinanong man lang ulit, or sadyang hindi lang din talaga napansin.
Goodness gracious!
Hahahaha
Some would just laugh at the story, some woulddd just “owwwww”
But that particular day with Atty. Ranier Milanes of Bankmer, he laughed at the story really hard, like so hard that he had to take off his glasses at hanggang sa maluha na sya kakatawa,
“daw bisaya” ,
“bisaya ka ba?”
And I replied “hindi po”
And he started speaking in Bisaya that I couldn’t understand,
and then he tried to pronounce my name again, and he failed hahahha,
like ‘yung nabibigkas nya ay ‘yung forced na parang mabilis at galit yung pagkabigkas, and its really awkward pakinggan, and my friends pati ako, nakitawa nalang din, as he laughed again.
And then he asked me if I want to change my name, since its super affordable naman na daw,
“pag iisipan ko po”, I replied.
Akala ko he would stop from there, but then he laughed again, hanggang matapos nyang pirmahan yung papers namin, and before we were dismissed he tried again, and he pronounced my name better this time, as in full, BIA DANESSA FERRER, without looking at the paper with my name on it, and he asked kung kelan kami magtetake ng board exam, since aabangan nya raw talaga ung name ko if ever, omg I was pressured tuloy, goodness,
And before he let us go, may pahabol pa sya, and he offered again that he is willing to help me change my name if i want to, I just have to contact him lang daw, hahahaha
And then I said, “okay na ako sir, para unique”
He agreed naman din, so that it would be easier to get papers like NBI clearance since wala akong kapangalan, but he insisted na if ever magbago daw isip ko he is willing to help .and then he laughed again.
Well, if ever naman na i would change my name, siguro Via nalang.
Pero seryoso, wala ng palitan. 😂
23/05/2018
(D: late post! I just saw this on my notes)
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