Are you a People-Pleaser too?


People- Pleaser

people pleaase

In other words, PEOPLE PLEASERS want everyone around them to be happy and they will do whatever is asked them to do just to please anyone. They are the people who put everyone else’ happiness and comfort before themselves. Saying “yes” to them is not a choice anymore but a HABIT. Their feeling of security from the people around them is the approval of others which is not supposed to be. They worry a lot about how other people see them when they say “No” or when they declined to an offer. It’s because they feel that  they will be disliked after.Pero seryoso, lagi ko talagang iniisip kung ano ang sasabihin at iisipin ng ibang tao.

So how do you know if you’re a tried-and-true people pleaser? Ask yourself these 10 questions:

1. Do you feel guilty or that you’ve let someone down if you were to say no?

–YES. All the time, I’d say sorry repeatedly to that person and I wo’t stop until she’d say that I’m crazy because of making  a big deal out of it,and that I don’t have something to be sorry for.

2. Are you the go-to person for family and close friends?

Not really, I dunno, haha, pero when they ask for my help, I always make sure that I’m available for them,I  attend to the needs of others before mine, well not always but, most of the time, not because I’m obliged, I just feel like helping lalo pag alam ko namang kaya ko pa.

3. Do you agree to help others even when you don’t really have the time or resources to do so?

-Well, not really naman, lalo pag alam kong hindi kakayanin ng powers ko,wala din naman akong magagawa, pero I seriously feel bad after declining, and I worry that maybe he/she has something against me after that. And i really hated it.

4. Are you often pressed for time or late?

YES, hindi ko alam kung paranoid lang ako or what, pero , most of the time really, kahit na I still have lot of time to finish something, I feel  the pressure, I mean I feel pressured, na usually nagiging dahilan ng pagbagal ko sa paggawa, which is really really frustrating kasi puro ako regrets after, kahit alam kong wala ng mapupuntahan lahat ng pagsisisi ko.

5. Are you afraid of being called selfish?

-YES, definitely, sino ba naman ang gugustuhing masabihan na “selfish ka”/”Ang selfish mo”. I rather be called ugly or i rather be bullied. Pero seriously? subukan nyo lang! magkakaworld war 3, choss, kidding!! 😀 

6. Do you avoid conflict and confrontation?

YES, always! I hate confrontations/arguments/conflict, kaya nga to make the issue short, I rather stay silent, well, most of the time, kasi depende naman din sa tao or sa case. I mean, sa tao, if kilala ko na talaga sya, Pag alam ko namang open-minded yung tao , ih syempre inilalabas ko di naman lahat ng sentimyento ko about the issue, kasi alam ko namang na magegets nya yung point ko. Pero syempre dahil, not everyone is open-minded. kaya you have to be very careful. Ayoko ng away  talaga, SWEAR! Ambigat sa dibdib ng alam mong may taong galit sayo, or may sama ng loob,lalo napa-keen ko, when it comes to the change of behavior ng mga tao sa paligid ko, lalo pag nag iba yung pakikitungo sakin, ang paranoid ko lang, sobraa! feeling ko umiikot sakin lahat, kaya ayun konting ano, feeling ko kasalanan ko. mabilis akong makapansin,  Hindi talaga ako warfreak, kaya nga, usually ako na talaga yung nagpapakumbaba para lang matapos na, ako na hihingi ng sorry, ako na unang lalapit sa tao, kahit na alam ko sa sarili ko na wala akong kasalanan. Di ko din maitatanggi na I just go with the flow most of the time kahit na ini-excercise ko pa ang freedom of expression ko, I always give way as to make the issue short, kasi nga I hate arguments.Pero  I don’t go to that extent of telling lies just to please people, vocal naman ako when it comes to my views and opinions kahit papano, specially when they asked for mine. 

7. Does your relationship or friendships feel one-sided, that you do most of the work?

–No, the opposite actually! I feel like ako yung kulang sa effort, sakin yung may problema, I feel like I’m not good enough for them. I feel like hindi pa sapat at hindi ko natutumbasan yung mga ginagawa nila for me. 

8. Do you fear that people will stop liking you or wanting to be your friend if you say no?

–YES, pero after that, sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na “kung ayaw nila sakin, mas lalong ayoko sa kanila, WTH, the feeling is mutual” I won’t go to that extent na ipilit yung sarili ko sa taong ayaw sakin, wait!! when it comes to friendship lang naman yun, pero ibang usapan pag mahal ko yung tao, because I will do anything,really, just to win them back, lalo pag alam kong may pag-asa ako. cchooss. PERO, back to the topic, wiw, haha, usually YES, dahil for the hundredth time ko ng sasabihin na paranoid nga ako, feeling ko pag hindi ko nasabayan yung trip ng mga friends, iniisip ko agad na baka lagi na nila akong i-isolate dahil dun, or baka pinakikisamahan nalang nila ako after that, pero ang totoo hindi na nila ako gustong kasama. Wohoooo, reallly.

9. Do you feel taken advantage of?

–YES, most of the time, feeling ko lang naman siguro, hahaha, lalo kapag those certain people are just present pag may kelangan sila sayo, pero iniisip ko nalang lagi na mabuti na din yun, kasi atleast papano naaalala nila ako, oh diba? Im so lucky, super lucky, super blessed na hindi pa rin nila ako ini echapwera at ini-ignore. I still have importance to them kahit papano, andfor which I am seriously grateful, really grateful. (no sarcasm really! 😉 )

10. Do you sometimes feel angry or resentful of the person asking for your help but would never say anything?

–YES, of course, hindi na tinatanong yan, seriously?? it’s not that I like to be mentioned or to be known, jezz, I dont want fame, but A simple “thank you” wont harm naman diba? kahit simpleng appreciation man lang. Ang sarap kasi sa feeling na may mag-te-thank you sayo, after doing a favor, nakaka-uplift ng mood lalo pag pagod ka, nakaka-inspire at nakakagood vibes. diba? nagegets nyo naman yung point ko diba? Parang nakakawalang ganang gumawa ng favor para sa isang tao na hindi man lang marunong mag-appreciate. You’re Welcome nalang ha! Grabe, sorry and Thank you nalang din sa offer mo next time, hmm, of course there won’t be NEXT TIME anymore.

If you answered “yes” to several or more of these questions, chances are you’re a classic people pleaser. That means you’ve got some work to do, including learning how to say that dreaded “no” more often so you can prioritize yourself and your health.

ooooohgashhhh !!

TOTAL “YES” :  7

TOTAL “NO”  : 1

with 2 “NOT REALLY”

A People Pleaser is one of the nicest and most helpful people you know. They never say “no.”  You can always count on them for a favor.  In fact, they spend a great deal of time doing things for other people. They get their work done, help others with their work, make all the plans, and are always there for family members and friends.  

 Unfortunately, it can be an extremely unhealthy pattern of behavior.

Seriously?? omaygash,

hayy, PARANOID.

What to do???

(The list not mine tho, its from PsycheCentral )

  1. Realize you have a choice.

CONSIDER DONE.I know I have a choice, hahaha, ang arte-arte ko nga ih, so i guess, achieve ko na ‘to 🙂 I know when to say No and when to say yes, the only problem is that, I always feel bad after saying No to a friend. Pero seriously, minsan i left with no choice talaga, And I really have to deal with the issue para matapos lang.

2. Set your priorities.

-WORK IN PROGRESS.hmm, I think i have to work on this, because, sometimes I don’t know myself, I mean, sometimes I don’t really know my priorities, I don’t really know what i want and what I need. I can’t even tell which is which.

3. Stall.

CONSIDER DONE.hmm, I dont have any problem with this, haha, since I always see to it na kaya kung gawin yung pinapagawa before ko tanggapin, I’ll ask repeatedly about the details, tapos i would ask every detail, pero syempre I would always warn them na wag mag expect ng mataas, hahaha, baka kasi di ko mareach yung standards nila at madisappoint ko pa sila, tapos ako pa yung lalabas na mali after. I really take my time to decide and before making a decision. Pero syempre pressured pa din kasi nga feeling ko di ko marereach yung mga expected standards nila. Lalo kapag minamadali ako. Which is why kung pwede ayokong nagca-cram, pero minsan ,unavoidable and I’m left with no choice talaga.

4.Set a time limit.

CRITICAL & IN NEED OF IMMEDIATE ACTION.Ogash, the very problem of mine! Im super hina with time management, problema ko talaga to, dahil super bagal ko kumilos, hihi, habit ko na din ata ang pagiging late but not really when it comes to classes and passing my requirements(school projects) . Pero seriously, haha, andami kong nasasayang na oras, and everytime nna may lakad with friends, alam na this!! 9 oclock will be 10 oclock and sometimes 11 or 12. hahaha. Hindi nasusunod ang time limit, kelangan there’s an extension. OMG, i really need to work this out. I have to stick with the plan and the time alloted.

5.Consider if you’re being manipulated.

CONSIDER DONE.yeps, always, achieved na din, syempre papayagan ko ba naman na lokohin at paikutin ako, hell no! shockss. Ayoko ng ginagamit ako for their own sake or for their own personal intention, magiging okay lang siguro yun pag alam ko in the first place and better yet, sinabi mo nalang sakin kung anu talaga ang kelangan mo, kesa gumawa ka pa ng kwento at kung anu-anong alibi.

6.Create a mantra

TO BE DONE.ohh! BIG word! haha, what is a mantra by the way??

Accrdng to Mr. webster (Meriam)

-its a sound, a word, or phrase that is repeated by someone who is praying or meditating

-a mystical formula  of invocation or incantation

ohh? now I know! This has something to do with my habits I guess, I have to chant this everyday to remind myself. I really need this! “Please yourself first, before other people”  whatdoyahthink?? 🙂

7.Say no with conviction.

CRITICAL BUT WORK IN PROGRESS.No is a no! Another problem of mine that I have to work on, kasi minsan nababali ko talaga yung NO ko, pero may reasons na man yun and depende sa circumstances, syempree hindi rin basta basta. Pero seriously, I need to work on this so bad.

8.Use an empathic assertion.

CONSIDER DONE. Seriously?? According to TILLMAN, who that is, haha,

“assertiveness is really about connection.” sooo, well,hindi naman siguro pagyayabang kung sasabihin kung open-minded ako,  I always have reason for eveything. I always put myself in other person’s shoes as to understand their side of the story before judging them, to understand to where they are coming from at kung ano ang pinaglalaban nila, kaya siguro hindi ako warfreak,haha. I think the only problem here is, the other person you’re trrying to help, yung mga taong hindi kasing open ng iyo yung mind nila, yung iba ang way ng pag-iisip, yung sinasabi ng iba na makitid ang utak na mahirap paliwanagan, at kahit anung paintindi mo sa kanila ay di nila maiintindihan at pag-iisipan ka pa ng di maganda kahit ikaw na ang nagmamagandang loob.

9.  Consider if it’s worth it.

WORK In PROGRESS, kahit ganun, minsan kasi ang hirap i-explain nga ng side mo, at ang hirap magsabi ng totoo lalo kapag alam mong hindi nila matatanggap yung katotohanan, ang hirap maging honest kasi alam mong masasaktan sila. Pero sabi nga, If you really care about the person, you should always tell the truth. Kung pwede habang maaga. Pero minsan hindi rin talaga ako nag iisip kaya yan napapahamak at nasasayang ang effort. Guess, I really have to work on this, na dapat lahat ng ginagawa ko ay may halaga at may kahihinatnan.

10.Don’t give a litany of excuses.

CRITIICAL & IN NEED OF IMMEDIATE ACTION. hahaha, well, pag ayoko talaga hindi ako mauubusan ng reason, ambilis ko ding makaisip. Litany talaga?? hahaha

11.Start small.

CONSIDER DONE. Well, I know naman na lahat nagsisimula sa wala, or sa pinakamababa. Kaya alam ko na yun din ang kelangan kong gawin and I shoud’n’t  act as if alam ko ang lahat. 

12.Practice successive approximation.

WORK IN PROGRESS. There are times kasi na I would just stop or I would just give up lalo kapag nawawalan ako ng gana. Hindi ko na pinu-push kasi feeling ko wala ring mangyayari, little did I know, everything is possible naman. For me it has something to do with confronting people, which  I find really hard, well, wala naman talagang mawawala if you just talk to the persons involved, mas okay yun kesa gumawa ka ng chismiss behind their backs, or you would instantly jump into conclusion then stir a fight  agad-agad.

13. Don’t apologize — if it’s not your fault.

CRITICAL & IN NEED OF IMMEDIATE ACTION. Seriously?? omg. Im such a SERIAL APOLOGIST really, dahil nga paranoid ako, akala ko kasalanan ko or sometimes para naman matapos na yung isyu, ako nalang yung gagawa ng paraan, ako nalang yung magso-sorry, kahit na alam ko na wala naman akong ginawa.

14. Remember that saying no has its benefits.

CONSIDER DONE, of course,haha, after saying no to a friend, tho I feel bad, iniisip ko yung positive result ng ginawa ko para mabawaasan naman yung guilt na nararamdaman ko.

15. Set clear boundaries — and follow through.

WORK IN PROGRESS. Sometimes I would follow this boundaries and limitations, but sometimes I don’t, Sometimes I even go to the extent of overboarding just to push my luck. And I don’t really have a very clear boundaries. Sometimes hindi ko alam kung anu ba talaga ang pinaglalaban ko. haha, baliw ih! Pero pag alam ko naman na imposible chaka hindi na magagawan ng paraan, I would not really push na din. 

16. Don’t be scared of the fallout.

–CRITICAL & IN NEED OF IMMEDIATE ACTION. hahah, yess, dahil nga worry-wart ayan, nagiging futuristic ako, in a way na puro negative outcome or result ang naiisip ko, oh diba?? haha, puro negative, which is nakakatakot talaga. ,

“the fallout is never as bad as we think it is.” 

really,? I hope so too, pero hindi talaga yun ang nararamdam ko.

, “people are not thinking about you as much as you think.”

This, hahaha, is what I realized lately, dahil paranoid ako, akala ko sakin umiikot ng mund nila, lol, feeling lang naman :D, akala ko pinag uusapan ako ng ibang tao, behind my back,akala ko Im being judge, which is hindi naman pala, ang assuming ko lang! nakakahiya hahaha, little did I know wala naman pala silang pakealam sakin, sad truth tho, kasi ako lang yung gumagawa ng kwento at nag iimagine. hayy, they don’t even fucking care pala,! and when you share naman,nakakainis ! kasi yung gusto mo sanang marinig na words of encouragement, hindi mo makukuha not even mag usisa, it feels like hindi sila interesado sayo, yung tipong pare-pareeho sila ng sasabihiin, “okay lang yan! , kaya mo yan” tapos yung lang talaga, nakakasawa at nakakawalang gana yung mga taong ganun, no offense, pero thats what I  felt kasi.

17. Consider who you want to have your time.

CONSIDER DONE, since kilala ko naman yung mga taong maaasahan ko din ,well, syempre when it comes to them, hindi rin ako nagdadalawang isip, yung mga taong alam kong worth it tulungan, at nag eenjoy na kasama ako, yung gusto rin ako kasama, yung mga taong nakakaintindi sa mga trip ko sa buhay, yung mga taong gagawa ng paraan para makasama lang nila ako 🙂

18. Self-soothe.

WORK IN PROGRESS, well ,I always do this, the problem is the effectivity, minsan kasi hindi effective,haha, I feel bad pa din kahit na alam ko na tama yung ginawa ko, the guilt is eating me ,kahit hindi naman talaga dapat 🙂 “Go BIA, kaya mo yan, ikaw na din yan! ” haha.  “All is well, because you do well BIA, God loves you”, haha, Or i would pat myself. haha, 

19.Recognize when you’ve been successful.

WORK IN PROGRESS. nererecognize ko naman talaga, kaya lang kasi natatabunan talaga lahat yun ng maliit at nag iisang mali ko, hindi naman ako perfectionist ih, pero kasi ganun talaga, iba pa din yung feeling apg alam mong wala kang naging malli, the confidence is really high, and you can relax. I guess I really have to learn to just focus on the positive side of everything that I do and disregard those things that went wrong. And better yet, to learn from all those mistakes nalang.

20. Keep a confidence file.

-WORK IN PROGRESS, hahaha minsan kasi feeling ko over-confident ako, minsan as in walang kaconfi-confident, as in zero, hahaha, depende kasi din, hindi naman ata possible yun na all the time, you have confidence, grabee hahaha, I really have to work this out, Pero syempre, I have self-esteem na kahit paano, at may tiwala naman din ako sa sarili ko, hindi man ako kagandahan pero alam ko namang hindi ako panget noh, choss! magagalit ako pag sinabihan mo ko, kahit joke, seriously! hahaha

21. Realize that you can’t be everything to everyone.

–CRITICAL BUT WORK IN PROGRESS, ouchh! super!

truth hurts but really you have to accept the sad truth. Pero syempre for a girl, syempre gugustuhin mo din na may mag appreciate sayo, yung feeling na you’re someone’s princess, tapos yung feeling  na you’re everything to someone na kahit yung ngiti mo lang okay na kanila, yung feeling na ang haba ng hair mo, yung pinapahalagahan ka, yung feeling na ikaw yung pinakamaganda,

ADMIT it guys, diba?? hindi lang ako ang umaasa,

kaso , that’s life , ika nga, EXPECTATIONS VS. REALITY, fairy tale ba ang hanap mo? hala sige managinip ka ng gising!

Accept it, that maybe someone meant the world for you, pero that someone does’nt give a damn about you. You have to realize that sometimes you have to be hurt, you have to look around you and value only those people who cares and love you unconditionally, those who will be hurt when you are hurting. And most of all, learn to value yourself! Love yourself and believe in yourself, (sana nga ganun lang kadali yun! haha)

So thats it, I just finished assesing myself, it’s your turn,

People Pleasers! we can do this, We should work together to heal  ourselves and be the person who we really are, Pleasing ourselves!

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5 thoughts on “Are you a People-Pleaser too?

  1. Ok…you got me. I’m a people-pleaser. I am quick to put my needs second to others and I justify my actions by making myself believe that I’m just a really nice person and not a doormat.

    The biggest piece of advice from this article that resonates with me is to set boundaries and stick to them. I know where my limits are, I just allow people to cross them with out so much as of a word in protest.

    Great post! Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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