Uncertain yet Certain…


It’s never been easy.And yes, it’s hard, like really hard. What I’ve been through is nothing compare to this.The pain is triple. My Everyday has been hell.

Everything,everyone, everywhere reminds me of you. like every single detail about you. I can’t help thinking about your whereabouts.I want to end this pain but I’m scared. I tried so many times, reaching out,those calls I supposed to make whenever I take out my phone,and those messages I tried to send before I fall asleep at night. I did try to ignore it, but I just can’t. My mind keeps wandering and finding myself longing for you. I may forget you, but that’s only for a couple of hours but at the end of the day and waking up every single day, it’s you, I’ve been thinking about.
I hate seeing you hurting because of me, and worst, I can’t do anything to make you feel better because I don’t know how to do that anymore, since I don’t know if you’re going to believe me after all.
We have no problem. You have no problem. Yes, the problem is mine. I’m taking all the responsibility for all of these. But I never wanted this to happen.And I hated myself for letting it happened. I’m such a coward. I’m so selfish and self-centered. I let my problems destroy me, us, when it shouldn’t be. I hate confrontations. And most of all I hate hurting you anymore. I hate myself for the promises I didn’t fulfilled, for all the sorry I’ve said that were thrown into waste. I’m scared for the fact that you will no longer be the person I used to know after this. I’m scared that you’re not going to forgive me after all what I did. I’m scared that you’re not going to look at me the way you did before. I’m scared to know the truth behind my doubts. And that’s the reason why I learn to pour out my frustrations into writing because I don’t know how to say these to you.

I’m now sure of what I really feel about you.In sea of people my eyes will always search for you. I don’t want to lose you. I miss you, I really do. It’s you and it’s always been you. And I swear, no one could ever take your place.

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